Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Bottom's up

[So predictable: all the EZLN, zapatista and Other Campaign translations are in our Library. And, once again, there is a new one tonight. From the Comandancia, and concerning aid for the storm victims.]

A little cloud of words has been swirling through my head this evening, odd ones, and I don’t have a clue as to what might have conjured them. Paradox. Not irony, paradox, as I like to leave that misnomer to others. Tartuffery. Perhaps I’ll have it sorted by tomorrow.

But, since we are skirting the subject, I’m delighted to see that one of our salonistas DOES have a life, thus providing me with the opportunity to insert Ms. Miller’s unsavory and history shattering backstory.

Once upon a time, when George the Lesser and the Most Evil Overlords decided they were in need of a profitable foreign adventure, they concocted an elaborate tale concerning Another Evil, but Dwarfish, Overlord. They dreamt up a fool’s arsenal of arcane weaponry and then placed them in his coffers. Virtually.

Now their next step was to convince the populace, their vassals, that said arsenal was, in fact, nonvirtual, or real, as it were. They had already met with resounding success in frightening the pants off their cowering vassals - it being post and pre-apocalypse and all - so they were feeling rather frisky.

The venture fell to the Dark Master Overlord who charged his sidekick, Scooter, with tasking a likely “journalist” with providing cover. And there she was, our Ms. Miller, quick like a bunny, scooting off, “special” security clearance in hand, to cover the big bad WMD. Writing of their veracity in her sterling journal, sweetly telling her editors to bugger off [and they buggered quite quickly, given that they were merely vassals with better suits than most], reveling in her role as Harlot to the Overlords.

And from that time forward, all the lip pursing, rumpled yet foppish, reflective journalists [yes, I’m channeling Aaron Brown] could get in line with the rest of the herd, prancing, if not rushing, off to War. After all, at that time, and I know we remember that time, even the Aaron Browns of the country were frightened. And what they most feared was for their lives: their good names, their mortgage payments, their retirement portfolios. They knew full well that anyone not in lockstep with the Most Evil Overlords didn’t stand a chance in hell of escaping their terrible swift wrath.

The Overlords were mightily pleased, knowing they could never have done it without her, and the rest is History.

The foreign adventure was indeed profitable, most especially for the Dark Master Overlord. The Harlot made various additional pacts with the coven, and the Newspaper of Record resigned itself to bottoming.

Yes, I really am almost breathless with anticipation at what might come next.


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penguinrocket said...

Am I the only one wondering about the identity of the Dwarfish Overlord's haberdasher?

He does surprisingly good work.

irlandesa said...

I, too, have been impressed by the Dwarfish Overlord's haberdasher, of course, and I'm not certain, but I'm thinking Zegna. Clearly not Savile Row. Not quite Armani, but a certain similarity of cut. Just a tad less obvious. Thus the Zegna intuit.

I really should scour my hard drive for a pic of YO! Basta's coverboy in a stunning, understated, vintage Zegna suit and handmade [by moi] handkerchief linen shirt. Perhaps for our holiday issue.

penguinrocket said...

YO! Basta's coverboy in a stunning, understated, vintage Zegna suit and handmade [by moi] handkerchief linen shirt.

Please tell me that you're not referring to el sub, because that may just send me into a paroxysm of envy.

Also, at the risk of sounding like a war criminal, or--at the very least--a radical chic gauche caviar, I have to confess that I'm wearing Zegna at this very moment.

irlandesa said...

No, darling penguinrocket,the first pic, below the smoking boys, and I'm delighted to be able to spare you the envy.

Now, if one were also to admit to being clothed in Piazza Sempione and Ferragamos as we speak, then I should imagine that, rather than being war criminals, we might simply declare ourselves to be a - tiny but immensely powerful - Nation State, no?!

penguinrocket said...

Ahoi, groonik.

Indeed, the Shrub, the Pope, and the Knights Templar shall tremble before us.

In the interest of micro-inter-national harmony, I would suggest an alliance with my friend Mykronesia, the one-woman nation-state.

irlandesa said...

Increíble, penguinrocket, I wonder what it is about a certain class of girl and small, independent nationstates? Perhaps we've stumbled on a viable new form of autonomía.

And I would adore having the knights templar trembling in their cute boots - especially given that I have a necessarily bizarre and somewhat domestic theory as to the true location of the "g" icon.

penguinrocket said...

The only "g" thing I know how to locate is, well, perhaps not to be spoken of in polite company.

irlandesa said...

"Grail" - though, as I wrote the "g", I very much shared your thought. And I concur: any reference to it, and we hope it would not be verbal in nature, should be confined to the boudoir. Or the potting shed, salon divan, treehouse...

penguinrocket said...

Yes, well I was always taught that it is a far better thing to show, rather than merely tell.

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